I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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