you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
