I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
