I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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