all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
