Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
