Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
