i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
