I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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