I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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