I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
