I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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