You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
