it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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