I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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