If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
