why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
