no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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