Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's blow job season.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
