East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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