Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
