piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
