i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
MIDGETS
????
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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