So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
