Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
