I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
