Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
