If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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