ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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