You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
