I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
