my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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