I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
