He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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