and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
