i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
