Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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