Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
