It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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