Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
