All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
