i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
