the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The best revenge is premature balding
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
