i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
