non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
