You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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