he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
