My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
