Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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