Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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