i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
