I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
